Ugh.

Getting fed up of it now. Acting illegally. Bigging up a deal to increase corporation tax while at the same time trying to sort a loophole for your mates in the city. Mates that are still funding the destruction of us all. An opposition that appears to do literally nothing to oppose. And yet, what gets focused on? Vilifying black footballers that would like it if people stopped showering them with racist abuse. Vilifying a group of students that didn’t want a picture of the queen up. I mean, I had a picture of a queen up when I was at Uni, but it was the queen known as Buffy Summers, not Liz Windsor. More non-news. More culture war bullshit to distract from the endless corruption.

And people continue to lap it up.

As I said: ugh.

When fandoms turn ugly.

Remember Game of Thrones? You probably watched it, right? You probably thought it was pretty good, too. You might not have liked the final season much (I have some things to say on this point in a minute which you might not like). You might even have read the books and liked them as well. But what you’ve probably not done is decided Game of Thrones is your hill to die on and that anything else in popular culture just doesn’t compare.

I’ve been unfortunate enough to be directly exposed to people that have, like a mad inbred Targaryen, simply gone off at the deep end. And no, it doesn’t just happen with Games of Thrones obviously. Star Wars is another high-profile fandom that is generally unpleasant. But the interactions I observed were with Game of Thrones ‘fans’. More particularly, mega fans of specifically the Mother of Dragons herself.

It was a bit of friendly competition in the shape of Twitter polls. Characters across popular culture with a focus on science fiction and fantasy pitted against each other to see who is the favourite. It was pointless and silly, but people I happen to follow were voting for their favourite characters, so it kept popping up in my timeline. And you wouldn’t believe the obsession some people have with a made up character winning a random Twitter poll. And the utter vitriol they would spit at the character they were up against, and that character’s fans.

The worst of all of these, for want of a better phrase, ridiculous fools, were the ones going to bat for Dany T. Not least because they were utterly misunderstanding her character as they declared her best because she be freeing slaves everywhere (remember though, no actual slaves were freed, because it's all made up). One competitor was Dana Scully, who is, quite frankly a million times better as a character, and a character that has in fact had a real-world impact – the popularity of The X-Files led to a significant increase in the number of women choosing career paths in STEM and medical sciences (called ‘The Scully Effect’). It’s one of the best things about art, this ability it has to change the course of a life for the better, and this little 5 minute video of women, including the incomparable Gillian Anderson, discussing it is a lovely thing.

Anyway, I’m not here to wax lyrical about Gillian Anderson and The X-Files (although, frankly I could for hours), I’m here to tell you about my exposure to an unpleasant fandom. Dany won that poll, beating out the OG himself, Gandalf the Grey in the final. There were calls of foul play, accusations of votes being bought (I really hope that wasn’t the case, because my already non-existent respect for these idiots would reach hitherto unknown levels of non-existence, if such a thing were possible, if they actually paid for votes. Anti-existence?). It’s one thing to be a nerd, or to geek out over some piece of media you’re obsessed over (for example, I’m currently in the throws of a fairly hardcore addiction to Babymetal), but it’s quite another to spit abuse at anyone that leans towards a different one. Especially when, in the case of the Daenerys-obsessives, the reasons you claim to love your character only shows everyone else you don’t actually understand her at all.

So. To the controversial hot take (and yes, while the following may not look like it, I am aware that it is not real, and I basically start to sound like those obsessives I was moaning about earlier, just without the hatred). Game of Thrones had a much-maligned final season. A good deal of the reason for this is Dany’s apparent switch from saviour of Westeros and slave-freeing badass and the one many viewers were rooting for, to mad innocent-murdering mega villain. But, the thing is, that didn’t come out of nowhere. There are clues throughout, not least of which is the fact that the Targaryens had been inbreeding for generations and pretty much every Targaryen’s default setting was either noble strength or deranged psychopathy, and no way to tell which it was going to be until your brother was being cooked alive in King’s Landing while the king looks on, laughing (unlucky Ned).

Starting from a position not of ruling, but of powerlessness, Dany’s Targaryen-ness took a while longer to manifest than usual, and let’s be honest, even without that kind of ancestry, the things she goes through would be enough to make a regular person want to burn down the whole world. Throughout her slave-freeing journey to queen, she demonstrates more than once that she doesn’t know the difference between justice and vengeance (I think a lot of people in the real world have this problem, which might be part of the reason why so many people loved the inbred psycho queen), and the development from inexperienced little sister to basically melting anyone she took a dislike to started back in season one – “The next time you lay a hand on me will be the last time you have hands.” A great line, and her brother was a prize twonk, but even then, more interested in vengeance than justice. Locking Xaro Xhoan Daxos in his own vault, along with her own handmaid. Punishing the slavers by doing to them what they did to others. None of this is justice. All of this is cruel and unusual punishment to enact vengeance. Feeling they deserved it (as most fans surely do) is irrelevant. There’s not much difference between what Dany was doing to her enemies all along and what Aerys the Mad King (Dany’s dad) did to poor Ned Stark’s brother. It’s just we considered Dany’s enemies proper villains until she got to King’s Landing. The end of Dany’s arc should not be a surprise if you’ve been paying attention.

Of course the die-hard fans of Dany argue the final season isn’t canon, that their queen is still the slave-freeing paragon of virtue they want her to be. Well, ok then, let’s consider the books. First off, Game of Thrones declined in quality from about season 5 (about the time it left the books behind), but the Dorne subplot is by far the worst part of any of it, including the final season. The problem is, the seeds for Dany’s final form have been sowed more definitively in the books so far published than they were in the show.

I really think GRRM has a problem on his hands with his final two books. He has stated on record that the show differs from the ending he has in mind for Dany (although it was apparently confirmed that Bran will end up on the throne). The cynic in me is picturing him seeing the reaction to the show and now desperately rewriting the next book to reframe Dany’s story, and not really knowing where to go, because the groundwork was more or less done for it. GRRM created this whole thing though, so I am taking his word on it and telling the cynic in me to shut up. But he's insistent.

When pushed, one of the Daenerys die-hards admitted that although they had been arguing that the books were not setting her up this way, they had only seen the show and read Dany’s chapters in the books and nothing else. So strong was the love for Dany T that they couldn’t even bring themselves to read the other chapters, which of course means they miss most of the story. Yet here they were, mouthing off like they are the expert and insulting anyone daring to question the assumptions they had made based on their incomplete picture. The mind truly boggles.

I could be wrong of course. A Song of Ice and Fire is infamous for taking the well-worn tropes of fantasy and gleefully ripping them to pieces. That’s kind of the whole point of it. Killing off your hero and main protagonist in book one (RIP Ned). Taking Dany’s baby, and the whole prophesised hero trope – ‘the stallion that mounts the world’ – except nope. He’s dead. No prophecy for you. So pretending I know what’s going to happen in the final two books is just silly. Anything could happen. Except, it looks like Bran will end up being king. Which, while also getting a fair bit of flack, is pretty much in keeping with the MO of the series. Who else could it really have been, when looking at how the show ended? Jon Snow? Based on his performance since he was brought back (being basically useless and losing pretty much every fight he’s been in and having to be rescued every single time), he’d be rubbish. Most useful thing he did was finish off Dany. Speaking of, don’t want her on the throne. She is, to put it mildly, an insane psychopath by the end. Tyrion? Yes he’s smart, but he’s made so many bad decisions, I actually think he’d be crap. Most useful thing he did was convince Jon to off queen T (shame his mate Varys and half of King’s Landing had to be cooked alive before he noticed what a literal hot mess she was). Convincing everyone to accept Bran was the last mistake we saw him make.

Because you see, Bran being king means the bad guys (or rather, the enemies of humankind - whether or not that makes them the bad guys largely depends on how you view the world) won. The children of the forest, the ones that first created the white walkers. They’ve installed their puppet, Bran, on the throne. Humankind’s oldest enemies, persecuted almost to extinction, now have the power to do untold damage to their adversaries. Which, I can’t help thinking, is yet another fantasy trope – that the people with inherent goodness and honour win the day in the end – that this series has spent its time demolishing again and again.

I doubt the book series will be finished at this point (although I really hope I'm wrong on that point, because even though much of this post reads like a criticism, A Song of Ice and Fire really is a phenomenal series of books), so I’ll probably never find out what the true canon is, but you never know.

Deliberately missing the point.

I almost didn’t write this because really, who needs to hear from yet another average white man? But often writing about things helps me examine my perspective and organise my thoughts a little better. So here I am.

Since the rape and murder of Sarah Everard in London, women have been sharing experiences over social media of the many many times they’ve been made to feel unsafe or endured some form of harassment. Sharing that fear of never knowing if the men making remarks to them are going to stop at remarks, or go further, or as in Sarah Everard’s case, ensure they don’t make it home alive.

It’s distressing to hear and read of so many accounts of this. But then men started to shout up. ‘Not all men’ they say. Frankly, that’s about as useful as ‘all lives matter’, and as with that ridiculous response to Black Lives Matter, it is deliberately missing the point. No, not all men are rapists and murderers. That does go without saying. But can every man honestly say that he’s never with the things he’s said to a woman, or by the way he’s stood too close to a woman, or stared for a little too long, that he’s never made a woman feel uncomfortable? Or scared, unsure if this time will be merely another invasion of personal space to endure, or will end up being something more final? Or pulled up one of his friends when he sees them do it?

I’d like to think not, but when I was younger I wasn’t so aware of the problem as I am now, so I don’t think I could say for sure. So, maybe in some ways it is all men? There were also comments made about how duh, women shouldn’t go out alone after dark, obviously it’s not safe, that’s just common sense. Why is it? Why should women be prevented from being outside after dark, when the danger comes from men? Why not keep men in after dark in that case?

I’m quite pleased I’m older now so don’t really find myself in situations where this could happen, but I do recall an incident from a night out a few years ago now. I’d had a really good night out with a few friends who were part of a wider group, and during the night we’d met up with and started chatting with another group of women. One of the women was plastered (if I recall one of her friends had said she’d not long gone through a bad break up). One of the men from my extended group had been with her for much of the night. Near the end of the night when some of her friends had tried to separate them, he hadn’t taken kindly to that, and I believe he had hit one of them.

Outside they were trying to bundle her into a cab to get her away from him, but he was trying to follow her. As the closest male witness to it all I was asked to intervene. I didn’t know what to say, so instead of challenging him directly I simply stood in front of him allowing her friends to get her and themselves away and hoped he didn’t get more violent. He didn’t and after a few minutes after they’d left, he’d wondered off to I don’t know where.

The thing is, I’m an abject coward and try my best to avoid confrontations, so putting myself in front of this man trying to force his way into a cab genuinely terrified me. But there’s the rub. As a man, I don’t have to feel that fear every time I’m out after dark. If I did, if I had to spend my life on high alert like that, I think I’d be very angry indeed. I think it wouldn’t be unreasonable to demand change. Or a moment to stand in solidarity with another woman who lost her life just because of a man acting on his basest instincts. And if that vigil was interrupted by another group of violent men, I would want nothing less than to burn the whole system that keeps me in this unending cycle to ashes.

Men are useless and women should inherit the earth.

Good…and bad.

I feel like some days I might be two different people in one ragged overweight shell. I feel like some days I’ve been trying to hold two realities in my head at once; both equally true, yet both very different. The personal and the external.

My life is going ok generally. Yes, there is an awful lot of extra stress at the moment from being stuck at home a lot. There is boredom from not being able to see friends and colleagues socially, or to take my kids to the local swimming pool or to the cinema or even to my local for an overpriced mediocre meal. But the rest of it’s going well.

Staying at home isn’t so bad because I’ve managed (with help – still impossible to do without help) to buy a house, and it’s a house that we love. I still have a job when so many others are struggling. I live with my family. You know, I’m not king of the world or a millionaire, but generally things are going well.

As long as I don’t widen that viewpoint, things are fine. If I look up beyond my own personal circumstances things get bleaker. Corruption and dishonesty in plain view from those tasked with governing us both at home and overseas, with a media that instead of holding them to account, spends its time trying to distract us with racist hit-pieces on members of the royal family they don’t like, a collective lack of effort to mitigate the numerous and linked challenges facing us in the near future, decisions made to increase, rather than reduce, the grave imbalance between the ultra-rich and the destitute, still refusing to pay staff on the front lines of this fight against the pandemic what they’re worth, paying them instead with claps.

The existential nature of the fear and the threat of climate change-caused ecological breakdown and how it will affect every part of our lives with increasing extremity, coupled with the fact that those tasked with preparing society to face it are chained to the will of those still profiting from fuelling the breakdown and the way most of us face the situation with apathy.

All of that causes a weird feeling in me some days. The peace I feel at home from the generally positive place I’m in personally feels unearned and somehow disrespectful when the wider view of the world imposes itself on me. Some days I think the cognitive dissonance is enough to make me crumble to dust and just stop doing anything.

It's a strange thing.

Occasional feature: Ending with a song loosely related to the post (or more like a lyric I can take out of context and loosely relate to the post):

The Doors: Strange Days: “Strange days have found us, strange days have tracked us down. They’re going to destroy our casual joys.”

Happy New Year?

2020 was undoubtedly a difficult one. Understandably there is a lot of sentiment about this year being better. And in some ways, I’m sure it will be. There are multiple vaccines being distributed (although we still have the worst death rate in the entire world) and the Orange Menace is gone, although there is no sign of the conditions that made far right populists able to attain power so easily both over there and over here going anywhere anytime soon. Moaning about news outlets filtering everything through an ideological filter is pretty much the sum total of what I do on here, but it’s still the reason why nobody can see eye to eye – nobody knows what the actual truth is, just what the owners of the news media they consume want them to think the truth is.

Even when a concerted effort is made to appear balanced, the curse of false equivalency rears its head. Take the BBC, insisting on hearing ‘both sides’ on every issue from climate change to COVID, even when there isn’t really a ‘both sides’ to it at all – just what is true and what is not. It’s damaged the corporation’s credibility to the point where those on the left see it as little more than a state-sponsored Tory mouthpiece and those on the other side of the political divide rant about it being biased against them, leaving basically everyone to consider the news and political coverage not worth paying attention to. And they’d be absolutely right. This piece by the Byline Times sums it up better than I can.

The thing is, I don’t think 2020 being largely shite is a freak occurrence. I think it’s a symptom. I think we’ve been warned for decades that the way we live, the way we consume, will rob the world of its ability to support us, and I think that’s what’s happening. I think the consistent warming of the planet (we’re up about 1.2 degrees on average and 1.5 is where things start getting cataclysmic) is beginning to break down the weather and ecological systems we rely on. I think the flooding and the fires and the other indicators of climate change will continue to get worse. I think there might be other, more deadly pandemics on the way. I think we’re at the point where our species’ consistent excess is starting to come back around and demand we start reaping all the sewing we’ve been doing.

That’s not to say I think we should all give up. Things are turning around, albeit too slowly. We might yet be able to secure some kind of future that isn’t apocalyptic, but it’s going to be touch and go for a few decades.

Wish us luck.

Occasional feature: Ending with a song loosely related to the post (or more like a lyric I can take out of context and loosely relate to the post):

Queens of the Stone Age: …Like Clockwork: “Most of what you see my dear, is worth letting go, because not everything that goes around comes back around you know. One thing that is clear: It’s all downhill from here.”

Entirely voluntary.

That’s what I want you to remember over the coming months. I hope it goes great, I really really do. I hope that whatever happens, when the safety net of the transition period is swept away next month, things are excellent. But tired of them or not, every expert, every person, think tank or organisation that is in a position to know anything about it is predicting a disaster that nobody is ready for. Supermarkets are being advised to stockpile food. Military boats are going to be guarding fish. Fish! In a win for UK interests (not really) the contract for monitoring the fishing boats was awarded to a French company. That doesn’t bother me too much, but there are still many people that are looking forward to the chance to tell folks with different accents they’re not welcome, so I doubt that went down too well. I read somewhere that our entire fishing industry is worth less than the Warhammer 40K brand. Seems like a strange hill to die on.

Remember how it started. Easy. Millions more for the NHS. Sunlit uplands. Remember how this stonking majority was achieved. Getting it done. Oven ready. Now look where we are. Military police threatening to board boats over fish. Who wants pizza anyway, when we’ve got toast, chips and milk? An international laughing stock, baffling our neighbours near and far, pursuing a course of potentially monstrous self-harm all because we can’t bring ourselves to admit that this is a really bad idea and because too many of us get angry when we hear someone talking in a non-local accent or different language. The press are still behaving abominably – taking a quote from a UK source referring to broken glass and applying it to the country where Kristallnacht is burned forever into the collective consciousness is monstrous.

The ludicrous idea that we, the plucky underdogs are trying our best to be civil, but those villainous Europeans keep changing the goalposts is yet another lie. We’ve spent the time basically demanding as good or better than the terms we currently have as a member assuming if we demand it for long enough, we’ll get it. Of course we’re not going to get it. There are benefits to being a member, duh. Spending all this time treating them as enemies rather than allies and our closest trading partners.

A bad deal or no deal is all that’s left to us and every step that got us here was voluntary. I hope we don’t run short on food or medicine over the coming months, but if we do, the steps that took us here were entirely voluntary. I hope we don’t stop being able to import, and even imports that come through are tied up in days of queues and red tape somewhere in in a parking lot in Kent, but if that happens every step we took to get there was entirely voluntary. I hope it doesn’t come to any of that and I’m worrying for no reason, but if it does, I hope this weird obsession with sovereignty that never was actually a real life problem was worth it. It’ll certainly be worth it to the pukes in the financial world making billions out of it while everyone else loses something precious.

I cannot understand why we are doing this, but more to the point, why we are doing it in quite this way. I really hope everything comes up roses and those sunlit uplands really do appear, but there is nothing that suggests to me that hope is remotely based in reality. 2020 was a real shitter of a year. Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but for our little island, there is no reason that I can see why 2021 won’t also be, for want of a better word, difficult. Still, chin up eh?

It's bad to do good.

That seems to be the message I’ve been getting recently. Not sure I understand it myself. To be a human rights lawyer. To point out that systemic racial inequality is a thing, no matter how much some of us like to insist it isn’t. To suggest that maybe we try to acknowledge that life is easier if you’re white and that Black lives do matter, to be told only that all lives matter, as if you were ever trying to suggest anything different. Obviously all lives matter. Including the lives of the people drowning in the Channel. It seems the people that like to declare, frothing at the mouth, that all lives matter also suggest we deliberately sink boats and drown people, with no acknowledgement of the cognitive dissonance required to hold both of these points of view at the same time.

But to be a lawyer defending the rights of humans in a difficult position with no other way to get help, in accordance with the laws of this very country that seems so hostile to people from other countries at the moment, more than I ever remember, is seemingly a bad thing. They’re merely do-gooders. Doing good is apparently worthy of contempt nowadays.

And we appear to have adopted that perception from over the water, where the (outgoing, hopefully) administration declares that Nazis can be ‘very fine people’ but ‘Antifa’ are a terrorist organisation. Antifa isn’t an organisation all, but merely stands for people who are anti-fascist. That’s right. If you oppose fascism you are an enemy of the state in the good old freedom-loving U S of A. With luck, their entire system of democracy and free and fair elections will survive the current sustained attack on it and will soon re-confirm that opposing fascism is a good thing. And then hopefully members of our own government won’t contemptuously label them do-gooders.

I don’t get why we think that doing nothing but clapping health workers and nurses is all that is necessary. Pay people risking (and often giving) their lives to help as many people as they can. Provide them with the equipment they need, by acquiring it using transparent procurement processes, rather than giving the money, uncontested, to a company that happens to have a mate or their other half on the board. This is the dictionary definition of corruption and still almost nobody gives a shit.

We get instead ludicrous statements like nobody could have predicted the current mess without a crystal ball from people in control of the country’s response who really should know better. Well I guess I for one must have had a crystal ball when I called the resurgence back in this very blog in June – and that’s without retroactively changing it like a certain supposed brains behind the power did.

There is other terminology designed to make simply being good seem worthy of contempt out there as well. Stating on a public platform that maybe we should try to make sure children don’t go hungry is merely ‘virtue signalling’. As if the people accusing you of ‘signalling your virtue’ cannot possibly conceive of a thought that isn’t entirely selfish and just a case of simply expressing that it would be better if children don’t go hungry. And the argument that it’s because parents should be responsible for their children’s wellbeing and that they shouldn’t have had children if they couldn’t afford to look after them seems to assert that somehow one must know all possible futures before deciding if they can afford to procreate. Which is just silly. And taking this argument to its logical extreme, maybe you have a parent that is an addict. Maybe they don’t feed their kids because they’re feeding their habit. Maybe they’ve found a way to exchange school meal vouchers for hard drugs. In what possible reality is the appropriate response to allow the child to bear the brunt of that neglect? To just let the child go hungry and accept that as some kind of just punishment for the parent? Costs a lot less to feed kids than it does to pay companies to fail to produce protective equipment for nurses. But hey, one is business, the other is disgusting virtue signalling. How can we justify reducing the percentage of our GDP we spend on overseas aid using the excuse that we need to help people in our own country, and then when the need to help people in our own country arises, we just…don’t?

One more: woke. To be woke, is to be a subject of ridicule. Define for me exactly what is meant by being woke. Put simply, it’s to be made aware of the struggles of other groups of people that don’t benefit from the privilege that you enjoy. It’s to be made aware of the danger they often find themselves in. It is to be woken up to the fact that as bad as you think you have it, there are entire demographics that have it worse, and have always had it worse, and without your acknowledgement and without you resolving to take steps to change it, will always have it worse. Usually the people that resist this acknowledgement are striving to keep the status quo where their privilege allows them to keep their eyes turned away from the difficulties faced by others. Difficulties they could help with, if they would only open their eyes and see.

I guess I’m just going to have to become public enemy number 1, because I can’t see a time when I will ever be proud of not caring about others, no matter how much that becomes the cool thing to do.