How my marriage saved my life and stopped me from becoming a self-hating wreck.

I've decided to write about how I am in awe of a woman. So in awe of her that I continue to be amazed she decided to marry me. Honestly, I still occasionally expect someone to tell me it's a big joke, as if anyone like her would ever settle for a douche like me. Obviously, as you'd expect, I think she's beautiful. As reasons why I love her so much go, however, that's a fairly poor one. I've known some gorgeous women (and men, for that matter) who have been complete bastards (and indeed, we've probably all come across an uggo with a heart of gold), so for the basis for forming a long term relationship it's no more than a starting point. Also, it's kind of on the subjective side, and there are no doubt people who genuinely wouldn't understand where I was coming from with the whole finding her beautiful thing. So, there's got to be more, right? Right.

Most people, at some point in their lives, hate themselves. They hate their own stupidity, they hate the way they look, the way they feel, or something. Well, I'm most people. If I was someone else, I don't think I'd really enjoy spending time with me. So if I hadn't met my wife and hadn't married her and started a family with her, where might I be? In reality, there's no answering that question, but I feel sure that it would be dreadful. Instead, I'm married with children. For a lot of people, this would be a nightmare, and like most people, I don't like kids very much. It is true what they say about it being different when they're your kids though. Loving my own children is (as it is in most people) an automatic genetic response to procreating (neither would I want to change that response even if I could). This is very different to the way I feel about my wife. She saved my life. To have the certain knowledge that, barring any utter catastrophe, the way I feel will be reciprocated for the majority of the rest of our lives is to be content. I'm still no big fan of myself, but when I consider that this amazing woman thinks I'm worth the effort of marrying, I remember to go a little easier on myself, because if she loves me, then I can't be all bad.